Communication tips for couples

Communicating with a partner can be stressful and unproductive and can cause ruptures in a relationship. Not communicating can also be detrimental to the relationship, building resentment that can overflow into angry outbursts or continued avoidance that can eventually end a relationship. Communication is vital for the health of an intimate relationship, and here are some pointers on how to do it effectively.

Find the real issue.

Is someone's needs not being met? What is the real issue behind the argument? Are there attachment issues from childhood that influence our needs and how we react in relationships?

Focus on the problem.

If communication turns to personal insults, the conversation will stop being productive. The focus should be on the problem. Blaming the partner stops being productive as it becomes personal, and there is a loss of focus on why you are trying to solve a problem.

Use "I" statements.

Using "" statements, you take responsibility for your feelings about a situation and do not blame the other person. Blaming someone directly with "you" statements is not constructive

and can lead to a communication breakdown. For example, "I feel hurt and angry when you do not do the dishes, " rather than "You never do the dishes, and it makes me angry."

Reflective listening

Listening to your partner and not interrupting them is paramount to good communication. Reflective listening takes it a step further by restating what the partner has said in your own

words. The role is then reversed, with the partner who had done the reflecting now sharing with you some ideas and feelings that you restate back to them. You will both feel

understood. which lowers tension, allowing you to have a more constructive conversation.

Time-Out

When communication becomes aggressive and insults are thrown around, it is preferable to take a time-out. Sometimes. a safe word is aareed on, and saving it requires both partners

to take a break. Spend time doing something alone that is relaxing for you. Part of the agreement is to make sure you come back to solve the problem.

Compromise and resolution

Sometimes, you both will not agree, so a resolution needs to be found. Talk about a compromise that will benefit both of you. Sometimes, you can agree to disagree. Sometimes,

compromise is inappropriate, especially when it affects a person's values or beliefs.